"Prisoners of Hope"

I just finished reading Prisoners of Hope about aid workers Heather Mercer and Dayna Curry's imprisonment by the Taliban in Fall 2001. Imagine being held on unknown charges in Afghanistan as September 11 unfolds. I read a lot at work, (it's okay where I work--I'm not just slacking :), and people always ask if my book is good. When they asked about this one I would just say "it's intense." (By the way Impact Students, the book is still available if you decide you want to read it.) Heather says a lot about the insecurities she felt being unable to communicate with her family and not knowing what was about to happen. I appreciated her honesty that while she knew God was faithful, she didn't always feel it. At one point while others were worried about her, she said really all she needed was to feel security for just a moment, for someone to understand that she didn't feel secure, and then she could go on.

I related to that, even though it was a much smaller scale. Our last night in Korea I was upset but couldn't explain it. I think Heather explained it for me. I didn't control the schedule, the activities, the anything, and even though I loved being in Seoul I felt like I was lost in a strange place. On my own I wouldn't be able to get anywhere or call anyone. My security really was in being with my group. Thursday when Kellie and I were seperated from the other nine of our team, I handled it well. . . for a while. I felt too vulnerable not knowing where everyone else was or where we were going. None of these details were a secret to our hosts, but I didn't want to be out in the city away from the only people I knew. I was frustrated that no one but Kellie seemed to think I had had any reason to be less than happy. After dinner when we were told to ride in the same vehicles back to church (Kellie & me in a car, the rest of the group divided in 2 vans) I was just mad. I didn't want to be seperated again. To me it seemed like an obvious bad idea, but others felt we should do what our hosts asked. Todd offered for him and Leeanne to take mine and Kellie's seats but the seats weren't the issue. No matter who rode in the car, someone would be seperated from the group. I flet that so intensely that I thought it should have been obvious to everyone. It wasn't and here's how I explained it: "No, I'm not riding there". . . "No, you're not riding there". . . "grr". . . some tears. . . ."no!" Very eloquent, huh?

So when Heather described feeling that the group thought she was just stubborn on some issues and that she couldn't control her insecurities, I got it. And I wouldn't call her unfaithful. She followed her faith all the way to Afghanistan and prison. She saw God do the impossible and still struggled with those feelings. So maybe I was just being normal. I'll be going back to Korea next year. I'm very excited to go back, but I will prepare differently. I've already begun checking into a cellular provider with international roaming and I plan to have my laptop with me. I guess I need to know that instant communication is there, even if I don't use it. I'm looking forward to another opportunity to work with Calvary Church, but I also see next year as my chance to redeem myself--to take better care of me so I can be more effective and enjoy more of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences.